I was recently surprised when I saw how many followers I had on this blog. Here all this time I thought I was writing for myself and a few Facebook friends who have already been given the recipes I post, or have heard my ridiculous life happenings in person. So really, they only follow the blog because I will drop things on them from high altitudes if they don’t. Apparently the “Look Mommy, Stickers” post has made several rounds on Facebook, mostly re-shared by people I don’t know, and I’m ok with that. It’s pretty funny to think about,  especially when I see it pop up in my own newsfeed. I sit and cover my mouth and laugh, and point “hey, that’s me!” and laugh. What is even funnier is the random texts I get from my friends saying that someone had shared it. “I saw your pad story on Facebook again! I told the person who posted it that I knew you! Feel like a celebrity?” Why yes, yes I do! Some people get famous because of a sex tape, if I can get famous with a pad story on a food blog, i’ll take it!  Ain’t  no shame in my game, Y’all.

With all of this being said, you may be asking “Why would you post a Kotex story on a food blog?” Because that is how I roll, baby genisuses. I talk about tids and bits of information that no one should share and I share it like it is my god given mission. I talk about stuff that should be shared too, like how you shouldn’t bully or buy “high quality meat’ from a creepy guy with a chest freezer strapped to the back of his truck. So there’s that. Here’s the short of it. I’m a weirdo who loves to share things, hug, cook and make kitschy things with googly eyes. I’m basically a walking ad for the Lifetime Network (From the time Martha is on until Little House on the Prairie goes off. Please note: I am not a Lifetime Movie, and I pride myself on that.) I’ve always been this way, and this fake-paper digital notebook is my little baby to mold and shape and be my voice box to talk about the things of my choosing. Thank you for all of your support leading up to this point, and thank you in advance to any new followers. Stick around, we will have some fun and you may even learn how to cook something in the process.

With that being said, who wants to talk about bacon!?

5 Fun things to do with bacon. 

Well, really that’s a total lie. It is only one fun thing to do with bacon that can be done 5 different ways. But that isn’t a catchy tagline. Or is it?

Anyway, it probably isn’t super obvious by my previous posts, but I am a proponet of the Paleo diet. I have been for well over a year now. I would totally bust out a picture of fat Diane, but then you won’t want to eat the bacon if you don’t understand how this way of eating works…and then no one will have a good time. I’ll save that for another day. But, what we can talk about is bacon. Delicious bacon. I eat a world of bacon, I spend a lot of time trying to make unique bacon-y recipes. In my world (the Paleo world, that is), most of it has already been done so you either get super scary creative in the kitchen and hope for the best, or you simply build upon the basic recipes. This is what I am about to do. I am building upon a recipe for perfect, crispy oven cooked bacon. (because if I get one more burn on my face from grease splatter….)

Bacon is a delicious treat of the gods on its own, but sometimes you want something with a little zing to it. Sure, you can buy store bought bacon that is soaked in faux maple syrup, or sometimes even cayenne pepper. But who wants to eat that? If you are going to eat bacon, you really need to make sure you are getting high quality, uncured, unprocessed bacon. Bacon won’t kill you, but nitrates will. Well, not immediately, but they have been linked to some pretty scary stuff. Learning time!

Nitrates: What are they?: Nitrates and nitrites are chemical compounds found in many foods, including some salts. Salt containing nitrates has been favored for preserving meat because it maintains color and flavor while inhibiting bacterial growth.

Nitrates: Why they’re unhealthy?: Nitrates have been linked to infant methemoglobinemia (oh yeah, big ole’ words up in here) a deficiency of oxygen in the blood. Also, nitrates can interact with the amines in protein to form nitrosamines, which have been linked to cancer in lab animals.

So if you are going to eat bacon, eat the good kind. There are a lot of uncured varieties avaiable in most local supermarkets. I don’t eat a lot of commercially prepared meat products, so my bacon comes from either my food exchange group, or from U.S Wellness Meats. If I am in a pinch I get it from Whole Foods or Trader Joes. When shopping for bacon, simply look for “uncured” on the package and make sure to store it below 40*F at all times. If you have made it to this point and I haven’t scared you away from eating bacon, Congratulations!

Let’s move on.

For all of these recipes you will need the following:

Parchment paper

cookie sheet

an oven

Garlic Siracha Bacon

place parchment paper on cookie sheet (I like to double layer, bacon is greasy yo’)

place 6-8 strips of bacon a few centimeters apart

simply top with Siracha. My bottle has a squeezey top so I just squirted two strips down each slice, then spread evenly with a knife until all slices are completely covered with Siracha.

sprinkle high-quality garlic powder on top

place cookie sheet in cool oven and set the temp to 400*F. Check the bacon after 20 minutes and continue until desired crispyness is achieved.

Using this cooking method, here are other seasoning you can try. Please note, each seasoning may change the cooking time, so pay attention and don’t burn your bacon!

Cajun Bacon- sprinkle with Tony Chachere’s creole seasoning

Sweet Maple Bacon- cover in maple syrup and a pinch of brown sugar (or coconut sugar, for a healthier, lower gylcemic alternative)

Bourbon Bacon with Vanilla- 1 tbs. bourbon and 1tbs. pure vanilla extract. mix and dip the strips in the mixture. (Yes, this is real). If you really want to add some health and you can find it, sprinkle Bourbon Barrel Foods- Bourbon Vanilla Sugar on top.

Penzy’s Spices: 33rd and Galena Bacon- sprinkle this poultry and pork seasoning on each slice.

Well, that’s all she wrote, folks. Make sure to use your oven mitts and be sure to tell your friends about me. I’m not building a secret society or anything.

D